Digital Painting

I've had a Wacom tablet for a while now and it's been sitting on my desk collecting dust all this time. I've always wanted to learn how to draw surreal and fantasy-like cities and landscapes on Photoshop. I'm decent at drawing realistic things on paper with charcoal, graphite, and even acrylic but digital painting has always been my dream. I'm always learning new techniques and different styles of drawing, but when I open Photoshop my mind goes blank. I wish I had more creativity than skill. I envy those artists who can draw a fantasy city without knowing what he was going to draw. So far I learned how to blend together colors on Photoshop by adjusting brush capacity and dynamics. I've looked up many tutorials on YouTube and each artist's technique is amazing. For example. cgsbgs paints amazing dragons, swamp monsters, and other creatures. idrawgirls has a variety of paintings; anime, landscape, and futuristic robots. I hope that this summer won't go to a waste; by the end of this summer I dream to have learned how to paint like the people on YouTube.

Anime blog [1]

K-ON!

A recent anime I watched and loved. It was funny and I laughed a lot! Don't judge me for watching a pure shoujo anime! At the end I teared a little but it was a good kind of sad. Everyone was going their own ways, but they will never forget their friends.


What it's about: It's Yui Hirasawa's first year in high school, and she's eagerly searching for a club to join. At the same time, Ritsu Tainaka, a drummer, and her friend  Mio Akiyama, a bass player, are desperately trying to save the school's light music club, which is about to be disbanded due to lack of members. They manage to recruit Tsumugi Kotobuki to play the keyboard, meaning they only need one more member to get the club running again. Yui joins, thinking it will be an easy experience for her to play the castanets, the only instrument she knows. However, the other members think their new addition is actually a guitar prodigy...

Clannad

One of the best animes I watched. It was heartwarming, and I could relate to it a lot. At first I didn't get what was happening with the girl and the robot, but realized it at the end. I should have known all along... I'm glad I finished this long series, it was well worth it. 


What it's about: Tomoya Okazaki is a third year high school student resentful of his life. His mother passed away from a car accident when he was younger, causing his father to resort to alcohol and gambling. This results in fights between the two until Tomoya's shoulder is injured in a fight. Since then, Tomoya has had distant relationships with his father, causing him to become a delinquent over time. While on a walk to school, he meets a strange girl named Nagisa Furukawa who is a year older, but is repeating due to illness. Due to this, she is often alone as most of her friends have moved on. The two begin hanging out and slowly, as time goes by, Tomoya finds his life shifting in a new direction. 

Myself; Yourself

Well this anime was interesting. It was similar to my life, and there's a lot of drama. I loved the way the artist drew the characters and it piqued my curiosity. I'm really glad I finished this series. I did not expect to tear at the end. The bonds of their friendship was so strong.


What it's about: Hikada Sana returns to his hometown after 5 years away living in Tokyo. Although there are some changes to the town, most has remained the same. On a detour to his apartments, he notices a girl in a shrine maiden outfit watching him when he visits the shrine. He finds out, the next day at school, that this girl is actually Yatsushiro Nanaka, his old childhood friend whom he gave a bracelot to before he left, that she still wears even to this day. 

My Favorite Lyrics

Heart and soul, I fell in love with you,
Heart and soul, the way a fool would do,
Madly...
Because you held me tight,
And stole a kiss in the night...

Heart and soul, I begged to be adored,
Lost control, and tumbled overboard,
Gladly...
That magic night we kissed,
There in the moon mist.

Oh! but your lips were thrilling, much too thrilling,
Never before were mine so strangely willing.

But now I see, what one embrace can do,
Look at me, it's got me loving you,
Madly...
That little kiss you stole,
Held all my heart and soul.

Moving On

To my first:
I watch her sometimes, and read the things she writes. Did you know her writing draws you in, as if she's telling you a personal secret right to your face? There's so much creativity and expression in her words. I knew her when she was 15, she was randomly on my AIM list! How surprised a relationship had sprung on a chat saying "who is this?"  She's growing up and has become a fine girl. Hard to believe she's already 17. I miss her sometimes; of course I don't admit it. And sometimes other things occupy my mind. An outgoing girl, with such talents (she's quite good at hiphop and baking!) She's going somewhere, I know it. In a way, I'm glad I'm not there to slow her down or ruin her future. I admire you, and I wish to talk to you more but I'm afraid our talks will never be the same as before. Live life good Hipporider.


To my second:
She's really smart, and is one of the first girls I was intimidated by. I often felt dumb around her, she was set for her future. Top 50 in school, member in many clubs, and going to University of Texas. Sometimes I felt like I slowed her down. I was going to go to University of Houston and she would have joined me. Thinking now, I'm glad she will go to University of Texas to pursue pharmacy. Careers are after all, more important than a malleable emotion like love. I done her wrong plenty of times and I regret a lot of it. I do deserve being called what she calls me, but I didn't do the things she accused me of. It's too late to tell her that, so I said nothing. I'm glad she has a group of friends to tell her problems too, and I envy that. Pursue your dreams, and make an easy life for yourself Raine.


Looking back on all of this, I suppose I'm just not ready. I need to find my goals and my dreams, and pursue them with a passion. I must draw better, I must learn more techniques, and I must find find myself a future I can live in. I can get infatuated sometimes, and in love a few, but it seems they don't work out. I should focus on one thing right now: my dreams. Moving on from all of them were hard, and for days I was in agony. But after those hellish days, I entered a state of realization and acceptance. It was over. We can't go back to the past, and we can't force them to love us. "If you love someone, let them go.." I remember those quotes so well. I let them all go, and none came back. I am a fool, aren't I? But I don't mind being alone. Watching others be happy, I smile a little, and when I see couples hugging and saying "I love you," I remember the times when I say that, and I feel a little tug at my heart.


Sad little dreamer, your days that seemed like a dream are now gone.

Welcome to Reality

I need to vent

How can you throw away memories made over the past year in just a second? How can you just say "get out" so simply over something so simple? I don't see why you can't calm down to talk. You just say anything to run away. Then you wait, you wait until I come to you even though it's not my fault. If I don't ever come back, will you come to me? Or is it a one-way street? I stay awake thinking about you and everything we had. It just disappeared. The memories, the good times, the happiest times of my life, just gone because you got mad. Everyone gets mad, but they always calm down. And it's been a week, yet no reply. I guess you didn't love me as much as I loved you. I must be silly just waiting here for your reply that will never come. I must be silly lying there with my eyes closed, bittersweat drops coming down with thoughts of you returning. Yes, I can go to you and apologize. Yes, I can talk to you first. But after so many fights, after so many times of me coming to you (like the time I went to your apartment after I had been kicked out and I talked it out after thinking we broke up) I just can't start it first. I can't be the only one apologizing. I loved you, no, I still love you so much. But even I know at one point, it's just pointless. I know you long enough to know, you're too stubborn and get bad-tempered really easily. Yes I can be stubborn. But I don't stay stubborn like you. I try to talk it out, haven't you noticed every fight I say "calm down let's talk it out?" But the only answer I get is "get out." Get out, get out, get the hell out. After all that, I understand you don't want me in your life. I understand you want to be free, because you say your so pretty you can just have anyone right? So why do I still love you after all that? I really must be silly.


I'm always asking, always pursuing the answer: What is love, and how do you know what love is? How do I know if it was real love, or infatuation? I don't. . . You know, when I look at my parents, I get so jealous. They're so happy together, and they act like they're still in their 20s calling each other by their nicknames and hugging each other. And I wonder, why can't I have that? I thought I had that with you, I was absolutely certain, but where are we now? I'm alone. So what is love to you? Is what you had for me really love? Because I'm still confused how you could just throw it all away because you got mad. Now it just comes down to this. Should I delete you off Facebook/AIM/MSN? Should I just have my heart broken when I see your statuses, your screename saying your available, yet I can't talk to you?


Would it hurt less to have you out of my life and forget it all, or hope that you'll talk to me again? Will the words "I love you" come out of your mouth ever again, and if so, will it be to me, or someone else?