I need to vent

How can you throw away memories made over the past year in just a second? How can you just say "get out" so simply over something so simple? I don't see why you can't calm down to talk. You just say anything to run away. Then you wait, you wait until I come to you even though it's not my fault. If I don't ever come back, will you come to me? Or is it a one-way street? I stay awake thinking about you and everything we had. It just disappeared. The memories, the good times, the happiest times of my life, just gone because you got mad. Everyone gets mad, but they always calm down. And it's been a week, yet no reply. I guess you didn't love me as much as I loved you. I must be silly just waiting here for your reply that will never come. I must be silly lying there with my eyes closed, bittersweat drops coming down with thoughts of you returning. Yes, I can go to you and apologize. Yes, I can talk to you first. But after so many fights, after so many times of me coming to you (like the time I went to your apartment after I had been kicked out and I talked it out after thinking we broke up) I just can't start it first. I can't be the only one apologizing. I loved you, no, I still love you so much. But even I know at one point, it's just pointless. I know you long enough to know, you're too stubborn and get bad-tempered really easily. Yes I can be stubborn. But I don't stay stubborn like you. I try to talk it out, haven't you noticed every fight I say "calm down let's talk it out?" But the only answer I get is "get out." Get out, get out, get the hell out. After all that, I understand you don't want me in your life. I understand you want to be free, because you say your so pretty you can just have anyone right? So why do I still love you after all that? I really must be silly.


I'm always asking, always pursuing the answer: What is love, and how do you know what love is? How do I know if it was real love, or infatuation? I don't. . . You know, when I look at my parents, I get so jealous. They're so happy together, and they act like they're still in their 20s calling each other by their nicknames and hugging each other. And I wonder, why can't I have that? I thought I had that with you, I was absolutely certain, but where are we now? I'm alone. So what is love to you? Is what you had for me really love? Because I'm still confused how you could just throw it all away because you got mad. Now it just comes down to this. Should I delete you off Facebook/AIM/MSN? Should I just have my heart broken when I see your statuses, your screename saying your available, yet I can't talk to you?


Would it hurt less to have you out of my life and forget it all, or hope that you'll talk to me again? Will the words "I love you" come out of your mouth ever again, and if so, will it be to me, or someone else?