Moving On

To my first:
I watch her sometimes, and read the things she writes. Did you know her writing draws you in, as if she's telling you a personal secret right to your face? There's so much creativity and expression in her words. I knew her when she was 15, she was randomly on my AIM list! How surprised a relationship had sprung on a chat saying "who is this?"  She's growing up and has become a fine girl. Hard to believe she's already 17. I miss her sometimes; of course I don't admit it. And sometimes other things occupy my mind. An outgoing girl, with such talents (she's quite good at hiphop and baking!) She's going somewhere, I know it. In a way, I'm glad I'm not there to slow her down or ruin her future. I admire you, and I wish to talk to you more but I'm afraid our talks will never be the same as before. Live life good Hipporider.


To my second:
She's really smart, and is one of the first girls I was intimidated by. I often felt dumb around her, she was set for her future. Top 50 in school, member in many clubs, and going to University of Texas. Sometimes I felt like I slowed her down. I was going to go to University of Houston and she would have joined me. Thinking now, I'm glad she will go to University of Texas to pursue pharmacy. Careers are after all, more important than a malleable emotion like love. I done her wrong plenty of times and I regret a lot of it. I do deserve being called what she calls me, but I didn't do the things she accused me of. It's too late to tell her that, so I said nothing. I'm glad she has a group of friends to tell her problems too, and I envy that. Pursue your dreams, and make an easy life for yourself Raine.


Looking back on all of this, I suppose I'm just not ready. I need to find my goals and my dreams, and pursue them with a passion. I must draw better, I must learn more techniques, and I must find find myself a future I can live in. I can get infatuated sometimes, and in love a few, but it seems they don't work out. I should focus on one thing right now: my dreams. Moving on from all of them were hard, and for days I was in agony. But after those hellish days, I entered a state of realization and acceptance. It was over. We can't go back to the past, and we can't force them to love us. "If you love someone, let them go.." I remember those quotes so well. I let them all go, and none came back. I am a fool, aren't I? But I don't mind being alone. Watching others be happy, I smile a little, and when I see couples hugging and saying "I love you," I remember the times when I say that, and I feel a little tug at my heart.


Sad little dreamer, your days that seemed like a dream are now gone.

Welcome to Reality